Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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