Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
