You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
