I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize