too bad you live with your parents still
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
foreskin is a definite game changer
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
