He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
