so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
