the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
