I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
