i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
