I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
