Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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