thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
