Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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