Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
