DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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