I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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