i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
