This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
