my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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