TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
