oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
