i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
