In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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