That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
