I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
