Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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