Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
