69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
