i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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