I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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