It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
