I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
