Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
