I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
