yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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