We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
