he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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