btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
