Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
