im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
