I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
