Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
