sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
