The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
