After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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