forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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