Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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