I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
