I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
