sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
