she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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