her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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