It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
