I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
