I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
