I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
