by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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