I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
