i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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