Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
