I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
