I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
