is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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