Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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