new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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