Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
