Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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