your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
