come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
