i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
