So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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