Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
