You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
