wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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