So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
