I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
