Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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